My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
