your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize