if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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