According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize