And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
