Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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