Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
