You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
