FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
