im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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