Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize