Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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