Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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