Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
