So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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