Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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