Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize