I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
