I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
