I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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