dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
