Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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