Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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