how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
