Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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