We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
