In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
