I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
