The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's get the cat blown out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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