I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
