Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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