How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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