Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
