Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
