Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
