She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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