using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
