I feel like I'm in dance class right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
only if we run a train.
done.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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