kristin has been a bad kristin
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
