hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
