pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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