May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
