I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
