we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
