dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
