GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
