I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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