My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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