Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
