there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
