I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
