Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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