God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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