Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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