you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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