no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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