I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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