So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
