Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have post one night stand depression
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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